Day 16

I actually have done quite well recovery wise from my myomectomy. 

I had minimal post-operative bleeding (almost none - just spotting) and my pain was manageable with Advil and Tylenol and rest. The worst part was the trapped gas pain (which the Gax X I took once I was home helped immensely) and the back pain from laying around. 

The back pain is still a problem. I should be getting up and being more active at this point but life decided to hit us with the stomach flu. 

Because I am slow moving, can't lift anything heavier than a jug of milk or bend over well, my parents came the weekend after my surgery to help my husband look after me and my 2 year old daughter. My sister came up for a bit after they left.

Last Thursday on Day 8, I had my staples removed. It didn't hurt as much as I feared it would. It felt like little ant bites. The nurse covered my incision with steri-strips which I am to leave on until they fall off on their own, likely, in two weeks or so. I can shower and such with them on. Blow drying the incision to keep it dry was recommended to me by one of the nurses and I have been doing that. In addition to helping everything dry without touching it, the heat feels soothing.

I also got permission from Dr. S to travel home to my parents' house. My mom took the week off and wanted to look after us some more. I got the go ahead as long as I promised to take walk breaks. 

 

Friday, Day 9, my sister loaded me and my daughter into her car, leaving hubby behind for some physio appointments and bathroom renos, and we headed on what would normally be a 5 hour journey. It ended up taking 7 hours but that is another story. 

The drive was ok. We put my daughter's seat behind my sister so I could recline slightly. I had a small pillow between my stomach and the seat belt and took my Advil and Tylenol. My parents' road sucked though. Big time because it is a rough and I was tired of being in the car by that point.

Saturday, my Mom came home from work, thinking her gallbladder was bothering her. Turns out it was the stomach flu. Monday, was my toddlers turn. Not being able to look after her, clean her up and cuddle her sucked! I just watched from the side lines. Wednesday, Dad and I fell victim to the bug. Mom and Bean are on the mend but Dad and I aren't quite there yet. 

Thankfully, I am feeling way better myomectomy wise. My mobility has returned 75% I'd say, and besides some itchiness and irritation around my incision, I am fine so I have been able to puke and cough without bracing myself for torture. 

It sucks that Mom has spent her vacation  either sick or looking after sick people. I knew she really wanted to look after and spoil Bean so I could rest and heal. She had tons of things planned that didn't get to happen. 

If I was well, I think I am ready to get out of the house and visit or go to the store. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be back to healthy. 

On the bright side, I think I have lost some weight and I may be able to put my old wedding rings back on when I get home.

I was quite swollen before the myomectomy. My feet especially, as my fibroid was pressing on my femoral artery. I remember looking at my feet after my surgery and thinking they looked weird. They seemed so pale and skinny but then it dawned on me that this was this first time in months they haven't been swollen!

I think I am about to start my cycle. I'll let you know how that goes. I'll also post about my tips for the hospital soon. 

Ba ha ha

Sorry for the regurgitation of info. I have no memory of typing the entry "Ouch, ouch, ouch." 

Day 5

I actually feel human enough to write a blog post today. 

Wednesday was my surgery. Apparently it went really well. "Textbook" in fact. Dr. S said I needed the surgery. My uterus had become twisted 90 degrees to the right and the fibroid was calcified so it was like a head of cauliflower protruding into my abdomen. The fibroid was bigger and deeper than she expected so she chose to leave a sliver of it in, rather than completely cut it out because she didn't want to remove a large section of my uterus wall, leaving scarring and compromising my fertility and ability to carry. I will have to wait a year to concieve and have a c-section if we chose to have another baby. 

Apparently, besides the fibroid my reproductive system, bowels and bladder looked beautiful. This surprised me, as I was under the assumption that I had Endometrosis based on my genetic history and my menstral symptoms. Maybe things will improve on that front now.

Dr. S went with a vertical incision. It goes from my belly button to my girly bits and is stapled shut. Apparently, I also have ten cms of sutures on my uterus.

I don't really remember day 1. I was on a PAS system for pain management and had a binder on. 

In the morning, they took off my binder, removed my PAS and my catheter and encouraged me to walk several times a day. I was also given a breathing apparatus and told to breath in it ten times every hour I was awake to reexpand my lungs. 

The pain was manageable, as long as I didn't move. They gave me Tyenol and Advil every 6 hours. This surprised me. I thought I'd  get some good stuff. I guess the rational is that most of the pain involved in my surgery is aggravated by gas and your codienes and opiates and the like make that worse. 

I am still taking an extra strength Advil ad Tyebol every four I six hours and getting up regularly for walks. 

Life is uncomfortable. I will write more about my post-operative experience later as typing this has made me tired and gave me a headache. 

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Surgery went well yesterday. Textbook apparently. 

Dr. S said I needed to have the surgery desperately as the fibroid had my uteruses twisted to the right and was calcifying. The fibroid was the size of a babies head but textured like a head of cauliflower. For the sake of my fertility, they left 2% of the stalk of the fibroid in. As she she didn't want cut too deep

Into the inside wall of my uterus. She says my future pregnancy, if I have one, will be well monitored and they can't see it being a problem. Because they had to make a 10 cm diagonal cut in my uterus, I will have to have a c-section. 

I also have a 12 cm vertical cut down my abdomen. It hurts. I have been pretty tough and didn't take much of the pain meds last night. I was pretty out of it and slept on and off most of the night. Today, I have been awake. They took out my IV and catheter and I have take a couple of walks and am being encouraged to go pee by myself. 

It burns! The gas pain is also ridiculous. 

I am looking forward to feeling better!

Getting Closer

Wednesday is the day. I am terrified.
I am so scared I am going to come out of this surgery in worse condition than I went in.

Currently, besides some leg swelling and a heavy, and I mean, "should I go to the ER?" heavy period, I am fine.

The list of risks when you google "Myomectomy" is quite long but I have to keep ensuring myself that they are rare. I hope everything will be fine. I watch too many medical dramas.

My biggest concern is that I am going to end up infertile, but I keep telling myself, I am all ready infertile if I keep this fibroid in. Yes, it is possible that I could conceive and carry a pregnancy with it in but the risk of complication is high and I would likely end up with an even bigger fibroid and another miscarriage if I were to try to get pregnant with it in. Dr. S, thinks I could try. Dr. C says, no way. The fibroid is too big and pushing everything too far to the right. I trust Dr. C more. She actually took the time to read the MRI report, which I am not confident Dr. S did. Which is another matter, but people say Dr. S is an excellent surgeon, she just has a poor bedside manner and rushes her pre-op appointment prep.Not sure how I feel about that but I suppose it is better to have a good surgeon with a poor bedside manner, than a shoddy surgeon with a good bedside manner, right?

Anyhoo, I should go mark. I don't want to but it is my last evening to do so. I was at school until 6:15 preparing for a supply teacher. I think everything is good to go but the marking.

Feb. 19th

My surgery is scheduled for Feb. 19th.

I am terrified. Mostly because I watch too many medical dramas. I am trying to remind myself that people have surgery every day and turn out just fine.

I really hope everything goes well. Best case scenario, the fibroid will be removed with minimal cutting so I can have a vaginal birth if I get blessed with a second child, though I can deal with a C-section if the case may be.

I am kind of scared I am going to wake up without a uterus. Though, if it turns out I am infertile, I'd rather not have periods.

Ugh.

I am also not sure how I am going to manage recovery. I am not a sit back and heal type person. I am a push myself until I collapse from exhaustion type A person. It will be interesting. I plan on stocking the freezer with ready made casseroles and crock-pot delicacies this weekend.

To calm my doubts, my cycle this month confirms my need for surgery. Even though my periods aren't particularly painful, my legs have swollen all up and my bleeding has been horrendous! I filled my diva cup and a super pad every hour this morning. I considered going to the ER but they wouldn't have done anything for me. I know what the problem is and it is hopefully getting fixed next week. It was still a rough teaching day as it was incredibly distracting.

I am looking forward to being healed and well.

Reflection

Now that the heavy weight of despair has lifted or become accustomed to, I am trying to look at my situation is a new light and I am not sure I am making the best decision by having surgery anymore.

Some women live their whole lives with fibroids bigger than mine and suffer no ill effects. Now that the pregnancy hormones have left and my uterus has gone back down (minus the fibroid), the size of my stomach has subsided somewhat and I no longer feel as though the circulation is being compromised to my leg, I am wondering if I need the surgery.

I love my daughter and I want to give her the world. A big part of me wants to have more children but another part of me wonders if is only because, in my current state, I can't.

Before this ordeal, when someone asked me when I was planning on having more children, my answer was always, "when I win the lottery" and I resolved to the fact that Bean was likely going to be an only child unless life brought some big changes.  The financial and personal struggles that led to this decision are still the same. Am I putting my wallet and my body through the stress of surgery just because of some selfish desire to leave the door open to my fertility, even if it's a door I may not walk through? Am I suffering from, "I want what I can't have?'

I was talking to a relative who said that she had six miscarriages. She got her fibroids treated twice and they kept coming back each time she got pregnant. She ended up having a hysterectomy. What if I have the surgery it doesn't do any good? This is a scary thought to me.

Part of me thinks, if I want another child, I could adopt. But then I think about waiting lists and home inspections and expenses and figure I would not qualify for a baby so should I be thinking about having another one?

I don't know. I am feeling apprehensive.